As a follow up to the live vid on this topic, here’s a nice image to go with it:
The only way to win with a toxic person is not to play.
There are two ways to deal with a very difficult person. The first way is your first reaction…your desire to fight, set them straight, debate, argue, and be reactionary.
The other way is verbal Aikido. Redirect and control the dialogue by changing the dynamic, and to not fight on the same low level as the toxic person.
You can’t solve a problem on the same level as that person. And you can’t really raise that person’s consciousness and make them a better person; all you can do is to be that better person, and raise the conversation.
As I mention in the live vid, I’m still in the middle of an email dialogue with a person full of falsehoods, anger, and standoffishness.
They’ve made women at this volunteer organization cry.
Men fear for their safety around this person. (they’ve never been violent, but because of their mental illness & extreme rudeness, people wonder if it’s a possibility)
I have the lovely task of inviting them back into our location and to give them jobs to do; they’re taking up too much time of people at regional leadership levels, so I have to get this person out of the leadership’s hair!
Instead of replying to this person’s emails by pointing out all their lies and insults directed at me, I’m simply praising them for their willingness to help, their kindness and passion for doing the right thing.
IF what I’m doing is right, it will work out eventually. If I fight back, it will only exacerbate the negativity.
So…I am just going to continue being overly polite and sidestep every single insult & lie! (and there’s a new reply this morning; I’m preparing myself to answer nicely again, and continue to push for a meetup later this week; sometimes face to face meetings diffuse issues, so wish me luck)
WHAT ABOUT YOU? Do you ever find yourself in a similar situation? How have you dealt with injustice like this? How have you been able to change the dialogue and steer it towards positive results?